Grow Your Own Artichokes in Three Easy Steps

As much as I hate to say it, I am a creature of habit. I like routine. I like normalcy. I like order. As a school principal, I deal with chaos on a daily basis, so I like to settle into my routine when I get home. Right now, you may be picturing Mr. Banks from Mary Poppins singing "The Life I Lead." It's not quite that extreme, and I never get a pipe and glass of sherry at exactly 6:02. But someday maybe...someday.

Because I like routine, as I plant my summer garden, it is almost always the same thing. Some variety of cherry tomatoes (last year I went nuts and planted black cherry tomatoes, which were AMAZING), watermelons, strawberries, and some sort of pepper that almost never survives the Arizona summer. My heart wants me to expand what I plant in my garden, but my brain tells me that I have had success with the tomatoes and mild success with the others, so I should keep on that track.

So I think my wife thought I was having a midlife crisis two years ago when I came home from Harper's Nursery with two artichoke plants. I knew nothing about how artichokes grew, but I spontaneously bought them and planted them in two areas of my yard. For those of you unacquainted with artichoke plants, they grow a little like broccoli. Out of the center of the plant one larger artichoke will grow, with several smaller ones growing around that one. Unlike broccoli or other vegetables, artichokes will grow year after year. In fact, one of my artichoke plants has sprouted several smaller plants that are growing in the fringes of my yard, so I carefully mow around those in hopes of gleaning some more artichokes.

But let me tell you about The Beast. This is the artichoke plant that I put in the ground in a wasted corner of my yard. It was rocky, sandy, and the area has seen the death of two trees. The only reason I put the artichoke there is because I didn't know where else to put it.

In its first year, The Beast provided us with three decent sized artichokes, and a couple of smaller ones. This year, The Beast has continued to grow. It now stands over six feet tall, has a girth of at least six feet, and has so far provided us with one enormous artichoke (think of a 12-inch softball, and then make it bigger), and 11 normal store-size artichokes. But you're probably asking yourself if they are any good. Surely artichokes that big are dried out, fibrous, disgusting balls of compost waiting to happen. Not true, my friend. It turns out that these home grown artichokes are so much better than the store bought varieties. My kids ravenously eat them, there are never artichoke leftovers, and we can't wait for the next crop after going through all of our artichokes for the year.

Looking back, I really never felt like I had a moment where I thought, "Gee, I feel like my garden is just missing artichokes. I really should plant some." But I am really glad that I had that moment of gardening spontaneity. It has really added to the vegetable variety that we have in the summer, we eat a lot more artichokes now, and I feel quite successful although I do almost nothing to encourage the growth of the plants.

So I promised "Three Easy Steps" to growing artichokes. Here they are:

1. Buy artichokes.
2. Plant artichokes.
3 Wait, and then eat artichokes.

My experience really was that simple. Who knows what my next spontaneous nursery purchase will produce...

Six Reasons Why Parents Should Date Their Children

I am really struggling with the knowledge of the high probability that at some point in my kids' lives each one of them will probably date a loser. That may sound too harsh, but I have really high expectations for my kids, and I know that at some point one of them will show up for a date with somebody that I won't be able to stand. My oldest is just 7 years old, so hopefully I will have at least a decade before I need to worry about this, but I am already preparing myself for this experience.

From what I can tell, there are only a handful of possible solutions to this. I can either just accept the fact that this is inevitable and there is nothing that I can do about it. I can swing the pendulum to the other side and be the kind of dad who cleans weapons at the table when a date comes over (I'm not ruling that out). Or I can begin my preemptive strike now and help guide my kids to the point where they will look for people who will treat them with respect and recognize a good boyfriend or girlfriend before I have to give any input. Can you tell what my plan is?

Before I move on, please remember that my oldest is only 7 years old. I have no way of knowing if what I am planning on doing will work or not. I'm also not arrogantly saying that my method of helping my kids avoid dating losers is the only way. I'm just getting my thoughts written down. For the entire world to see. So, world, here is my master plan.

Milkshake date at a diner

I am going to attempt to regularly date my children. I have blogged about dating my kids before, but I want to write about it again for two reasons. One, I really think that this is an important part of parenthood that often gets missed. It's something that I sometimes forget to think about until one of my kids looks me in the eyes and says, "Daddy, when can we go on a date again?" My dad regularly spent one-on-one time with me, usually walking either to the mall or to someplace with great happy hour food specials so we could watch football. This one-on-one time helped me get to know my dad and my dad to get to know me. More importantly, this quality time helped me to become a better husband and a better father.

The second reason that I'm blogging about this is because I'm not that great at it. By sending it out to the world, I'm reminding myself of the importance of dating my kids. I also have to spend time with them to get pictures to put into the article. And by "have to" I mean "get to." So here are some of the things that I have learned about what a date with one of my kids should look like.

Gummy worms and ice cream - his favorite

1. It doesn't have to be fancy, but it should be fancy. I don't need to spend a lot of money to take my kids out. In fact, one of their favorite things to do is to go to an ice cream parlor for a milk shake or a sundae. This usually costs $5 or less. But it is fancy in that I dress up for them. I let my daughters pick out my clothes. I wear a tie, and sometimes a sport coat. Am I out of place in a '50s diner wearing a sport coat? Kind of. But I want my kids to know that I value our time together enough to dress up for them. My hope is that this will translate into my kids seeing that they are worth dressing up for, so anybody they date better do the same.

2. I ask my kids what they want to do. This is a difficult one for me. Sometimes I have something in mind, and I bring the kids along. While I really enjoy doing this, and they usually do as well, I want a date to be something that we decide on together. I may give them a couple of choices, but I want them to help decide. Last week my three-year-old and I were going to spend some time together. I asked him what he wanted to do. He said he wanted to ride bikes to the frozen yogurt place. That was not my first choice, or second choice. But it was important to him, so it became important to me. Hopefully this will translate to my kids seeing that a healthy relationship is one in which both parties get a say.

She set out her dress a month before.

3. I model the behaviors that I want bestowed upon my kids. I open doors, I say "please" and "thank you", and I smile. I know that a lot of this seems like a given, but when I see young people out on dates, I don't always see these behaviors. I want my kids to expect these things when they begin dating, sometime in their mid 30's.

4. I tip big. I want my kids to have a respect for everybody that they encounter. I waited tables in college, so I know how hard servers work. And whether it is a big tip, a kind word, a thank you, or all three, I want my kids to come to expect this kind of behavior in a restaurant.

5. I ask my kids a lot of questions. I don't want our dates to be just me talking about me. I want to get to know them, and I want to teach them the importance of asking questions of the other person. Sometimes the questions are serious, like "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Sometimes they are silly, like, "What super power do you wish you could have?" or "If you could have any animal for a pet, what would you want?" We laugh a lot during the silly questions.

6. I date my kids because I love them. It is a great break from the chaos of life to spend some time with each of my kids. I enjoy just being with them, being in their company.

Parents, let's all challenge ourselves to take our kids out on a date. Let's spend time really getting to know who our kids are.

How to Help Your Kids Sleep In: A Parent's Survival Tool

When my oldest daughter was 18 months old, she would often call us into her room when she woke up. Initially this was around 6:00. Considering that she went to bed at 7:00 in the evening, 6:00 didn't seem too bad. Then she started waking up at 5:45. Then 5:30. Then 5:00. All of a sudden our great little sleeper was driving mommy and daddy crazy. No matter what time she went to bed, she was awake and ready for her day to start well before I had my first cup of coffee. We needed a solution.

Enter Momo.

Momo is our best friend. Momo is a life saver. Momo is a plastic monkey clock. We discovered Momo on Amazon as we were looking for solutions to help our little early bird. Here's how Momo works. At night, when you're putting your child to sleep, you push a button and Momo closes his eyes. We turned this into a "Say goodnight to Momo" ritual. You explain that when Momo's eyes are closed, it's still night. Then, at the time you set, Momo will open his eyes and your early bird can begin to gather her worms. There is also the option to turn on jungle sounds when Momo opens his eyes to help wake your little one.

There are many child sleep aids out there - some with lights, some with colors, some with sounds. For us, open eyes and closed eyes were so easy to explain to our kids that we quickly grew quite fond of Momo. In fact, Momo is such a champion in our house that we have two - one Momo for each kid room. And Momo has been keeping Mommy and Daddy sane for the past five years. Our kids like the feeling of knowing what time it is before being able to tell time. Our oldest used to get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and she would say, "Is it morning? Wait, I'll check Momo." And our youngest loves being able to announce to the family when it's morning because of Momo.

Thank you, Momo, for all of your service! We want our early birds to get their worms, but not too early.

Tips for Keeping Kids and Parents Sane During Business Trips

My wife has been in Thailand for six days. She comes home in two days. This is an annual occurrence in our house. Every Spring Break my wife has a business trip in Asia. It is typically scheduled around my Spring Break so we do not need to worry about full time child care for the week. This means that for one week every year I get to try to figure out how to do what my wife and I normally to do together by myself. With a seven-, five-, and three-year-old. BY MYSELF. Last year my cousins stayed with me since the trip did not coincide with my Spring Break. This year my mom watched the kids for a couple of hours so I could find my sanity. But business trips are taxing on kids and parents, and luckily, we have discovered some great things that work for us. Hopefully you will find them useful for your next business trip.

Prior to the trip we bag and label some gifts for the kids, one for each day that mom will be gone. These do not need to be expensive gifts; we usually get some prizes from the dollar aisle at Target. We look for things that are not just cheap trinkets, but things that can help keep the kids occupied, which may or may not be cheap trinkets. Some ideas are coloring books, markers or crayons, bubbles, books, or sidewalk chalk. In the past we have had a new movie for a movie night. This trip we had some money for the ice cream man. He was accosted by my kids today and we all got an ice cream treat. That was a hit!

Each bag gets a sticker with the day on it. This is a great visual for young kids to see how many days until mom returns. I have alternated in the past with getting to open the presents first thing in the morning and getting to open the presents after dinner. Every trip I change it up and I really haven't found that one works better than the other.

Throughout the week I try to find things to do with the kids to keep them from missing mommy too much. They get treats that I normally wouldn't let them have, not because mommy isn't here to be the rule gestapo. It's not like I need her permission to spoil the kids (honey, if you're reading this from Thailand, everything is great and I didn't give the kids candy from Sweeties for the movie night tonight, so nothing to worry about). Sometimes I trick them into thinking they're getting treats. One favorite for this is the homemade Dreamsicle that I blogged about two years ago. The kids still think that they're getting dessert, when they're actually just getting frozen breakfast foods.

Technology is wonderful and my kids get to Facetime my wife every day. With her in Thailand, our tonight is her tomorrow morning, so we can easily line up times that work for everybody. But she is extra sensitive about being alert to what is going on here in Arizona with the kids during the call. So if a kid is having a meltdown, she doesn't try to keep asking about their day or telling me about hers. Just a quick, "I love you guys. Don't bust daddy's chops," and we can get back to having the kids bust my chops. 

Finally, for extended trips like this, bringing back prizes really helps. I still remember my parents taking trips when I was a kid, and the excitement of them opening their suitcases with a new stuffed animal, a book, or a shirt. Again, this doesn't need to be anything big or expensive, but just something for the kids, and spouse-left-at-home, to know that they were missed. We try to make the time with mommy gone filled with enough fun that the kids will not dread that time when the next trip comes around.

I just noticed that there is one bag left for this trip. I know that I can survive one more day. Maybe next trip I will request goodie bags that I can open throughout the week.

Changing a Tire: So Easy a Child Could Do It

Last week, as I was driving home from work, I smelled burning rubber and wondered if I had engine problems. Then I noticed that the car in front of me had a flat, shredded tire. I followed the car into a parking lot and got out to ask the driver if she needed help. She responded that she didn't know if she even had a spare tire in her car (note: almost every car has a spare tire of some sort up until the 2015 model year. Finding yourself stranded is the worst time to try to figure out how your spare tire works or if you have one. If you do not know where your spare tire is, go right now to find it, as well as the instructions for how to replace it. Go now. I'll wait to write more until you get back).

Now that you're back, I can continue my story. While I was changing Kris's tire, she said numerous times, "I'm so glad that there was a guy around who knows how to fix a tire. This just isn't something that is easy for a woman to do." Any of my former Self Reliance students know not only how to fix a tire, but also how important it is for any driver to know how to do it. Some women may feel that it is hard to change a tire, but we can all do hard things.

I was glad that I was there to help Kris, but I want my kids to know how to change a tire. I had a student last year who said that his dad never wanted him to have to change a tire. While it would be great, in principle, if we never had an emergency on the road, I want to make sure that my kids don't have to rely on a complete stranger for help and hope that he is a good guy. 

Let's back up a couple of months. I got a call that my wife, with all three kids in the car, had a flat tire and needed help. Now before you jump on her and say that a Renaissance Mom should know how to fix a tire, she absolutely does. But this flat tire happened in our neighborhood. And it was 110. And she had all three kids. So I ran over and had a teaching moment with my kids. They helped with every step of the process. And in case you need a refresher on changing a tire, here are the 10 steps to changing a tire, ala Renaissance Dad.

1. Move to a flat, safe location. Parking lots are great. If you are on a road, move as far to the side as you safely can. If you cannot safely change a tire, call a tow truck to help out.

2. Get out the tools and the donut (small tire) or spare tire.These are usually found in the trunk of the car, the cargo area, or under the back seat. Of course you already know where they are because you looked for them after reading the first paragraph above.

3. Loosen the lug nuts. This is important to do while the tire is on the ground (otherwise the tire will spin as you try to loosen them). Loosen in a star pattern. If the lug nuts are tight, thank your mechanic or tire person for keeping you safe. Then put the lug wrench on the nut and stand on it. Even my kids with their 40 pounds have enough weight to loosen lug nuts by bouncing a little.

Big A raising the car like a boss

4. Following the car manual directions, raise the car using the jack. Most cars jacks have two pieces to the handle, allowing you to spin the handle more easily. The jack should be placed on the car frame. Remember that your flat tire has no air, so you'll need to raise the car until the tire is completely off the ground.

5. Remove the lug nuts in a star pattern, leaving the top lug nut for last. Make sure that if your kid is holding the lug nuts in the hubcap that you do not accidentally knock the hubcap into the air, thereby losing all of the lug nuts and causing your kid to say, "Fuuuuuuuuudddddggggge."

6. Place the spare onto the wheel and hand-tighten the lug nuts, beginning with the top one and moving in a star pattern.

7. Slowly lower the car to the ground. Slowly. 

8. Tighten the lug nuts, again in a star pattern. You can again use your weight to make sure that they are tight enough.

9. Stow your tools and flat tire, and go straight to a tire shop to get a replacement.

10. If you have a donut, please DO NOT drive on the highway. Donuts typically have a speed limit of 50 mph, and a typical distance of 50 miles. If you drive for a couple of days, you will need a new tire AND a new donut.

My good friend Stan once told me that the two most important things on a car were tires and brakes. And the two most neglected things on a car are tires and brakes. Keep your tires safe, and keep your family safe.